kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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