Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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