$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize