i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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