just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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