he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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