he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
