I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
