have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
