when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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