it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
