apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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