I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
