making cat noises will not fix the situation.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize