Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
