It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
