and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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