well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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