have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
