come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
