You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I party with great urgency now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
