well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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