This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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