could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
