I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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