she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
