Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
