I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
