How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
