And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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