spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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