he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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