**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
