There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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