I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
