How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
