Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize