ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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