Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
