Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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