I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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