You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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