I accidentally had phone sex last night
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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