I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
