you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
