when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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