I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
