Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
