I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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