You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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