does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
