hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
