i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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