My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
