So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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