He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
