I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
