Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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