Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
