I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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