hotel room ftw
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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