I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
