My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
