Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
