I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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