Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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