Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
