i just snorted my name. best moment ever
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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