That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
