Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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