After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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