did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
