FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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