I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
