I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
