How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
