Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
