Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
