help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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