she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
