Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
