pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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