She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
