That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
tell me about the eggs
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