____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
