hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
