I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
