So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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