I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
