I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
