I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
