Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am puke
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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