Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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