my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
