I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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