Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
